Up in the Air...the Road Ahead

The journey- so glad I came...
but what am I going to do
with all this? and where, oh where
will it lead?

Divine One, I open myself
to you- your guiding, your leading,
your intention, your inspiration...
The road ahead is totally and truly
obscure, the future remains a
huge question mark...
          ?
Feels like I'm walking in the darkness
right now- yet I am not afraid, but
am finding the "night" a soothing,
restoring, comforting time.

Grant me daring, O Holy One.
Grant me peace. Fill me with a
willingness to follow wherever
the path leads.
Grant me a courageous heart,
a determined spirit, an open &
creative mind...may my watchwords
continue to be Wisdom, Courage,
Strength.

         LET IT BE SO.

Poetry from the Land and Sky

Precious ones, the past few days have been so incredibly full that I haven't yet had time to process all that I've seen and experienced. And the major internet provider here in East Africa has been down for nearly 3 days, so I've been totally out of touch. Recent photos have not been posted and even my journaling has not been happening with regularity since I've been so exhausted in the evening. And so, tonight, I'm only sharing some poems I wrote on Monday and Tuesday. We return to Nairobi on Friday and will be able to be on-line with some regularity, and so will begin to catch you up on what I have been seeing and doing here in Rwanda. I guess, tonight, I can only say that I hope you will look at every good thing in your life with deep appreciation- your spacious home, your comfortable bed, your bathroom, your refrigerator, your washer and dryer...I could go on and on. Most of all, love and cherish your family, for so many here lost all or most of those they loved in the genocide in 1994. Kwaheri! Lala salama. (Goodbye- sleep well.)

disturbing dreams...

Mind and heart on overload...

Faces permanently etched in memory,

Populating thoughts and dreams...

Women, children of every shape and size

March across the theater of sleep.

Refuse to exit but remain determinedly

Center-stage, reminders of the depth

Of poverty and need in which they are

Immersed...seemingly sinking and yet

Courageously, determinedly refusing

To be drowned, defeated...

       Will I ever sleep undisturbed again?

a flying vision

High above the clouds

High above the earth

Another-worldly sense pervades,

and reality is far, far away.

I step out and walk upon the clouds,

bask in the sunlight, revel in the solitude,

caressed by the perpetual zephyrs,

welcomed by the feathery softness

as I venture daringly toward eternity,

existence undisturbed by human cares...

truly, fully care-free...

                              and then

the seat-belt light flashes...

"We are preparing for landing in Kigali..."

and I am drawn back

to be earthbound once again.

hope-less?

Time zones collide...

currency swims in my head...

     shillings, francs, dollars...

shattering the sense of unity

for which I long,

one-ness a waking dream-

     yet always just beyond my grasp...

One world?

One humanity?

One heart and mind?

Or will our differences always divide-

     and in dividing, conquer?

Yet I hold fast, cling with desperation

and occasionally despair to that

dream,

     even as the realities of

     life assault me day after day.

UP IN THE AIR

(written on June 29, 8:35 EDT)

High in the air over
who knows where?
Sun & clouds...
blue skies smilin' at me...
and all around people
of all shapes & sizes,
colors & ages, sharing the
space of this gigantic, double-decker
plane we all call "home" for just
 little while in the grand scheme
of things, though our flight of
eight-plus hours seems very
long indeed.

A baby near me cries
and crawls and reaches out
a chubby hand to touch my face.
another sleeps fitfully, cradled
in her mother's arms...
and I am cradled, too, in my
soft, warm red blanket and
the loving prayers and wishes of
those I love- far away in
time & space, but with me
here in heart & mind, as the
huge silver bird wings
ever southward.

An amazing aircraft! Never been on a double-decker before. I figure we are over the northern coast of Africa, though we are at such an altitude that no land is in sight. Christopher Columbus, never in your wildest imaginings could you have thought of this! Not only going over the edge of the world but beyond it, rounding the globe, following its curve, thousands of miles in a matter of hours. And yet we moderns take it all for granted, seemingly unaware of the ongoing miracle of more than five hundred people aloft in a steel contraption with wings. I am in awe!

At home, it is 8a.m....Paul isn't even up for school yet...and here we are, well into the afternoon of another day. A few hours' sleep on the night flight... several nice naps on this one. I actully like the daytime flight better...not sure why. Have had no desire to watch movies- and there is quite a selection available- but with nearly 5 more hours ahead, I may yet resort to that entertainment. Now I must get up and walk a bit, as I think about what lies ahead, about what I'ver left behind...for a little while.

Counting Down to Departure

african aubade
to wake in africa...
seat of life, source of being,
home of my heart for reasons unknown...
sun rising abruptly...
an assertive invitation to living...
                                             seeing...
                                             experiencing...
                                             EVERYTHING!
                                                                        soon and very soon...
                                                                        soon and very soon...
                                                                        soon and very soon...
                                                      

Getting Ready to Fly

flying free
i am unsure of where i am
one foot here, the other reaching,
   stretching for places far away
my heart yearning, yet fearful of
   the unknown...
but a baby robin hopped across the
   road last evening
following its mother with unerring
   faith
certain it would find safety and
   nurture wherever she was
and so i follow Mother God wherever
   she is leading me
into the daring unknown with no more
   sense of why than the baby robin
yet believing deeply that safety and
   nurture and purpose will unfold      
as i stretch my fledgling wings and,
   with tentative flapping and hesitant starts,
begin to fly

Traveling into the Unknown

Day by day, my departure date is getting nearer. Day by day, the pile of things in the spare room  ready to be packed is getting larger. Day by day, I am getting more and more excited about the adventure which lies ahead of me. And so I am opening my heart, opening my mind, opening my life to the incredible possibilities which lie ahead- no agenda, no expectations, no preconceptions...ready for whatever comes. What better way to travel?

Traveling from the known to the unknown requires crossing an abyss of emptiness. 
 -Dawna Markova


This is the charged, the dangerous moment, when everything must be re-examined, must be made new, when nothing at all can be taken for granted. -James Baldwin

To dwell in new spirit is to enter a complete spontaneity of direction; this is a voyage of trust imbued with passion- any destination is possible.
-John O'Donohue



       

        a new journey
        I am about
        to write my own odyssey...
        to journey into the unknown future
        armed only with my willingness
        to be captured by surprise,
        fueled only by a daring sense
        of seeking the path and purpose
        for this next chapter of my
        life's story,
        taking the tottering baby steps
        of renewing my passport,
        getting immunizations, making
        a packing list,
        all so I can make the flying leap of faith
        to Africa,
        flapping my fledgling wings and
        singing a joyous song of
        wonderment.

New Beginnings...

It was only several months ago that this odyssey began, a day much like any other when I crossed paths with Mary Martin Niepold of the Nyanya Project, and a cosmic life-shift began to happen.

My aging mother had lived with me for nearly 8 years and during the past two, had gradually showed signs of physical deterioration, as her skeletal system- mostly her back- developed stress fractures which caused a great deal of pain and limited her ability to be mobile. In the last six month of 2009, much of her time had to be spent in bed to alleviate that unrelenting pain and the tasks and responsibilities of the household- mostly mine anyway- fell totally to me. My life was focused here at home...with caring for Mom's comfort and needs primary.

After a wonderful family Christmas here, a short, month-long period of total decline marked her January, and Mother died on the last day of that month. During the month, I had the help of two lovely and dependable women- Ruth & Rosa, the two Rs- as well as Hospice, which aided so much in controlling Mom's pain. And as all of the many things which follow a death in the family were gradually accomplished, my life began to take on a very different shape...yet I wasn't sure just what that shape would be or how it would look. I just know that it would be very different from that of the past several years.

Enter Mary Martin...enter the Nyanya Project...enter the invitation to travel to East Africa this summer...and the doors of my heart and life were flung open wide! (see http://www.nyanyaproject.com/) And so, for the past couple of months, I have been preparing: updating my passport, getting immunizations, planning what to take and getting what I needed, making list after list, trying to cover all the bases needing to be covered when leaving home for nearly a month... Doing a 5-week body de-tox, losing nearly 15 pounds, and boosting my immune system by good rest and exercise also have occupied my days...and now, only 18 days remain until I board a plane in Charlotte for the first leg of the long, long journey to Boston, where MM and I will meet and board a KLM flight to Amsterdam, another to Nairobi, Kenya.

"Excited" doesn't begin to describe my emotional state these days. "Eager anticipation" comes to mind, as does "wide open"...all of which just means that this journey, this adventure, is the beginning of a new page in a new chapter of my life. And I am ready to spread my wings and FLY!

Everyone is the age of their heart. -Guatemalan Proverb

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? -Frank Scully

To find your real capabilities you must push yourself through your comfort zone. -Patrick Lindsay

preparing for the journey...

Empowerment must come from within myself...
as i wrestle with anxiety & fear...
as i deal with my physical body...
as i open myself to all of the possibilities
which lie within me.

The only limitations are the ones i imagine,
the ones i choose to give power...
so...
Joy & Wonder are the companions i choose,
accompanied by Compassion & Curiosity.

Half a world away lie a different horizon,
unknown vistas, mysteries at present foreign
to my eyes & ears...
half a world away live people whose visage
and language will open my eager, searching
mind and heart in ways now only dreamed.

O Creative & Creating God,
grant me the courage to leave expectations
and agendas behind...the wisdom to
understand that only by walking willingly
into the unknown will i continue to become
fully myself...the strength to be flexible,
to bend without breaking, to welcome the
awaiting gifts of the unknown.
                 Africa awaits...!